Horse Back Riding Too, I'd Kill The Horse

If America is so fat how come I am always so uncomfortable? I don’t mean I am uncomfortable with what people are thinking about me (not to say that isn’t true). I mean that I am outright uncomfortable. My ass is too big for movie theater seats, air plane seats, roller coaster rides, my dads kitchen table chairs, most chairs in general, etc.

When I go to the theater I have to slide my but into the seat instead of just sitting down. Especially if I go to a cheap theater (which is almost always). I hate to fly. Not because I am afraid of death or terrorists, but because my ass spills into the seat of the person next to me, the seat belt almost does not fit and I would die if I had to ask for an extension. The last time I even attempted to go on a roller coaster ride was years ago when I weighed way less. I thought they where going to tell me I couldn’t go on and wouldn’t that have been as embarrassing as hell. It was at Magic Mountain in California, one of those rides where there is no floor, and the locking part comes over you head. The attendant had to put his whole body weight into it to get it to snap shut. I thought I was going to explode. I love roller coasters and I have not been on one since. That had to be 5 years ago.

There are lots of things I would like to do but I am too fat to do. I went with my family on vacation this summer to the Outer Banks, North Carolina. It sucks to be at the beach and be too fat to get in a bathing suit. During that trip and just like every time we go there we take a side trip to Jockey’s Ridge. I hate this place. I hate it more than any place I know. Jockey’s Ridge, if you have never been there, is a huge sand dune with a beautiful view of the ocean one on side and the sound on the other. My cousins are already at the top and starting to roll down before I even make it ten feet up. I almost instantly can not breathe. My legs feel like they are made of lead. It takes so much effort to just put one foot in front of the other at this point. My dad finally comes to meet me with a worried look on his face. “Are you ok?” I can barely get the word yes out because all of my energy is focused on breathing. Finally, I make it to the top and have to stand still for a good ten minutes just to try to breathe normally again.

So at the top of the dune they have hang gliding lessons. I have always wanted to do that it looks like so much fun. My cousins don’t do it because they are scared. I don’t do it because I am quite positive that the straps that are meant to hold me in would not fit around my legs. So this leads me to other sports I would like to do if I where not so fat. Bungee jumping, sky diving, kayaking (don’t think I could fit in the hole), any sport or activity that involves jogging or running, sex (it’s a sport right?).